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Self help

How to create change in your life
a step by step approach


Okay the most important thing I need to do in this chapter is to help you to figure out what exactly it is that you want out of this life and then try to give you the tools to achieve it. Now if you are in arrears in your child support for any reason at all you have likely been beaten down by the popular catch phrase "dead beat dad" well if this what you've been called or told now is the time to break away from that stereotype.

You have decided that you are not that person or you would not be reading this book. You are not lazy or maybe you were, it doesn't matter what matters is that you have decided that you want to change your situation and you will not accept the label "dead beat dad" any more. If you will stick with me I will show you how to make extra money to pay the child support no matter how much you owe. If you are drinking quite a bit to help ease the stress we can work on cutting down to a reasonable level. We are in this together. I am going to give you step by step ideas and strategies to use to get not only your support payments current but also the ability to make up the arrears and if you continue to practice these techniques you can achieve anything that you really want out of life.

Throughout the course of this book we are going to cover many things from figuring out exactly what it is that you want out of life and I will give you ideas on such things as how to make money for almost everything you do to finding the right woman if you don't already have one. Of course if you already have one you are probably already halfway on the way to personal success and just need some fresh ideas. However if this is not the case it doesn't even matter if you feel like all women are evil and don't want one right now either. Hopefully this book will take you from what ever state of mind you are now in to a fuller and richer life. It is up to you to decide what that richer life is going to be and we can begin right now to figure out exactly what it is that you want and then work out specific plans to achieve that end.

For right now I am going to concentrate on two things and they are self esteem and self image then goal setting and finally on how to achieve those goals and become a fully functional contributing member of society and to leave a legacy for your children and grand children. Now if this sounds like what you would like to be then you are on your way. If this sounds impossible well keep reading because you will find out that it is possible with probably less effort than you may have expected. But don't kid yourself it will take some work and as you probably have figured out by now nothing is free. Even if you go to a soup kitchen the soup is free but you are treated less than human so there is always a price for even the so called free stuff. Whether it be physical as in labor or whether it be a blow to your dignity or whatever everything you get out of life has a price attached to it.

Now that we have established that you have to trade something to get something we have a starting ground. Now don't get me wrong if you have been beaten down so far that you are homeless and eating in a soup kitchen this doesn't mean you have to stay there and we can even use that to your advantage in the course of this book if that is your current situation. We will use all available resources at your disposal to make you successful. That is the purpose of this book: to make everything you do benefit either you or your children or both.

So lets get started. The first thing we need to look at is not really so much who you are now but who you are willing to become. Now if you are poor there is a reason for that. It is because you believe that you deserve to be poor. You say ummm sorry Lonnie I think you have the wrong person here because I never once thought that I deserved to be poor so you must be mistaken. No I am not. Don't throw the book away now this is just starting to get good and if you bear with me you will eventually see that not only is this true but that you can and will change it. Why do I say that? Because if you didn't believe that you deserved to be poor you would not have let it happen to you. You would not have allowed the boss to overlook you for the promotion and if they did you would have applied elsewhere for that higher position. Or better yet you would have started your own company or created a position for yourself.

The first thing we may have to work on here is improving your self image. That is we have to figure out what you think of you and then figure out how to change that. For example a publisher once put an ad in the news paper offering a job that paid $50,000 a year no experience necessary and full training provided. Well the first week he got about 3 phone calls for this position and was amazed that noone wanted to make $50,000 a year for this relatively easy job that he was offering. So a few weeks later he ran an ad offering about $15,000 a year for the same job no experience necessary and full training and his phone was ringing off the hook. The same job with the same potential wages and same training program. So what was the difference? There wasn't one but the people reading the first ad didn't believe they could make that much money because they didn't believe that they deserved to make that much money. Well perhaps they were right. Maybe they didn't deserve to make that much money. Maybe you don't either right now. But even if you don't you can learn.

Okay you say so if I don't deserve it how can I learn to deserve it. Well you need to start by telling yourself that you deserve it. This may sound crazy to you but it is true. Every person who has made a successful life for themself believed that they deserved to be successful and most of them believed that they were destined for success and that everything happened for a reason and happened for their benefit. They decided to learn from every experience that they had in life and use that knowledge to further their goals. So the first step is to tell yourself that you deserve to be successful and that you are destined to be successful. Keep telling yourself this till you believe it. If you like you can look in the mirror and tell your self that you deserve to be wealthy and that you are destined for success. In fact many people that you read about that are successful and very powerful have done just that.

Well, you might say, look I just want to provide for my kids and live a normal life and just keep the DA off my back. Okay you can have that too and more. But first you have to believe you deserve it. What I am telling you is that you can have not only that but that you can have what ever you really want out of life also. The only thing that is limiting you is what you will allow yourself to believe you can do. In the Bible Jesus told his disciples that if they said something and believed it and stopped doubting that it could happen that that thing would eventually happen. Well it is as true today as it was 2,000 years ago.

You can have everything you set your mind to. Now this does not apply to other people necessarily people are not things and cannot be possessed. You cannot change other people the only person you can change is you. I mean you can't make someone love you or help you or do anything that they don't want to do. But if you change the way you interact with people you can usually influence them to your benefit. I am not saying that you can get your ex to come back to you necessarily if that is what you want but I will say that you can attract someone who will have the qualities that you desire by becoming the person that they would be attracted to. How can I say that? You can have more because you can become more.

But lets not sell yourself short you are already who you are and that is a pretty neat person. You are a person who someone thought enough of to spread their legs and let you make love to them and have children with them. You may have been married and had a person who believed that you were pretty cool at one time. So you are already pretty cool. But now they left and with them they may have taken some self esteem. Well look at the positive side and see that you are a person who deserves better than what you have gotten before and that you can become even better than you are. Why would you become more? Because you believe that you deserve more. So now you see why you have to believe that you deserve more. So you say okay Lonnie now that I know that I do deserve more how can I get it? I was beginning to think you would never ask.

Okay lets start with an exercise. Get out a piece of paper. Now begin thinking of what you would do if you had all the time in the world and that what ever it was that money was not a problem either. What would you be? What would you do? Where would you travel to? Would you travel the world like Jacques Cousteu filming documentaries and exploring the sea? Would you be a research scientist working to find the cure for Multiple Sclerosis? Would you be a rock star or musician? Would you be a Project Manager on a large construction site? Where would you go what would you do? Would you visit the holy land and see where Christ walked or go to India and learn to meditate? What would your contribution to society be if you could do anything be anyone that you wanted. Just start letting your mind open up and run freely and start writing down everything that you would like to do if you could. Do you want to lose weight? Gain weight? Write a book? Find a cure for cancer? Be a doctor? What ever it is don't worry about how absurd it may sound or whether you think you can get it right now just write it down. Keep writing until you run out of things that seem interesting to you as I said don't worry about how you will do it just worry about what you would like to do if you had the opportunity.

Now if you have done this I want you to put that paper away for now but before you do I want you to sign it and date it. We will come back to it a little later. But if you haven't done this do it now because it is important for you to actually do the things in this book and not just read them. Because if all you do is read this book and don't take action then all you have done is to dream about success. This book is about not only dreaming about success but about actually doing the things that will begin to transform your dreams into reality. Do it now if you haven't already done it. Please don't go any further until you have done this.

Okay we can call this your wish list or dream sheet for now it is not that useful in its present state but it will become more important later in the book. But for now just put it in a safe place and we will work more on your self image.

How you can get more out of life

Well the first thing you have to know is that in order to get more out of life you have to ask for more out of life and you have to be willing to do what ever it takes to get it. You have to believe that you deserve more and then figure out how to get it. What I am doing right here is trying to get you to expand your mind here and get you to see that it doesn't matter what your background is what your education is or who your parents are or the color of your skin. There has been someone from the exact same circumstances as you are in that has become successful and wealthy and decided that they deserved all that life could offer. I read a plaque that a friend of mine had that said Noone can do everything, But everyone can do something.

It doesn't matter if you can read although unless you are listening to this on audio cassette you won't be reading this to know that but even people that can't read can be successful. A good example of this is Wally Amos the founder of Famous Amos Cookies(Tm) He became successful by making cookies because it was something he knew how to do and he did it well. But he could not read well and Barbara Walters asked him in an interview if he was illiterate and he had to ask her what that meant. Now he is famous and no longer illiterate and even helps people to learn how to read through sponsoring literacy projects etc.

My point is it is not where you start from that is important but where you end up that matters. So if you want more you have to be more. But first of all lets make sure you are using your current abilities and resources to their fullest extent before we start working on new ones. So now take out another piece of paper and you can write on the top of it Resources. Now begin to write down the things that you have available to you. Who do you know? What do you know? What skills do you have? What do you own? As you write these things down try to see if any of these things could in any way help you to get any of the things that are on your dream sheet. If you notice that a resource is related to one of your dreams make a note of that beside the resource. This will help you to see that you are actually making progress toward your dream even if you never noticed it before.

The idea here is to begin to look at things in a new and better way. Once you have figured out what you want to do it is much easier to figure out how to do it. How can you get something if you don't even realize what it is that you want? You can't believe you can work toward your dream if you don't even know what it is. So these exercises are designed to help you figure out what you really want and then how to get it. And don't think that you can't get what ever it is that you may have listed because someone else somewhere has already come from the same set of circumstances and done exactly what you want to do or something very similar to what you want to do. So if you can figure out what you want then it is usually pretty easy to discover someone who has done what you want to do and learn how they did it and use that as a sort of blueprint for success. This way you don't have to make all the mistakes that they might have made along the way..